i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
