i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
