"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
