I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
