My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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