after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
