Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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