I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
