I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
