Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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