that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize