just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
