Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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