she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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