Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
