i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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