i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
