Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
