I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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