Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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