I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
