Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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