We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
