I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize