You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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