I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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