i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
