I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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