You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize