I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
