I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
