if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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