so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
