Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do herpes really smell.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
