I wish you could order shots online.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
