i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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