I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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