im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
