I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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