Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize