peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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