Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
