so that wasnt chicken after all
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
