I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
