Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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