When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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