I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
