Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
