Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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