I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize