I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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