turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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