I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
