whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
