If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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