sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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