Do you still have your period?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
