You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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