Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize