So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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