Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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