do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
