Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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