I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
