shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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