So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
