Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
