Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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