I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
