seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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