we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
