come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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