Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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