Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
