i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
