he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
