I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
