I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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